Governor Blames Past Angelic Supporters For Storm

Governor Dan Malloy

Governor, Dan Malloy

Hartford – Governor Malloy today announced the State will face this weather emergency with all the resources available to him as Governor of Connecticut. He said, “It is established science that storms of this nature are a result of our human impact on the environment”. The Governor went on to say, “Connecticut residents have over a period of time been angelic in their efforts to support him and his fight to reverse the human impact on our climate.”

The Governor was at the State Armory now being used as an emergency center during the storm. He activated the National Guard and addressed them this afternoon. His message was clear, “You have been activated to address the accumulation of powder now falling and covering the entire state. This powder from the heavens must be controlled and you shall be our first line of defense.”

“Many of our saintly citizens, have dedicated hours of effort to address the climate issues facing our state but they have now passed to the great beyond. As is so often the case many of those angels have inadvertently created this new problem.” The guard troops stood at full attention awaiting their orders but many had a look of surprise they could not hide when the Governor finally drew his speech to a conclusion as he gave the this order:

“I hereby order the National Guard to confiscate, all existing bottles of Head and Shoulder anti-dandruff shampoo and to immediately supply all funeral facilities with adequate supplies for immediate application. Funeral directors have been ordered to treat all of the dead with Head and Shoulders to stop this angelic dandruff from covering our State. You are our first responders, and our last line of defense, I wish you well in your efforts.”

Many of the troops were seen leaving the armory scratching their heads and reporters questioned if all of the problem was really heavenly sent. One lonely Republican, working as a janitor at the center called the entire press conference, “just another snow job by Malloy.”

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